How to “Win an Argument” Without Defeating the Person: Detective Columbo
If you have ever seen the classic 70’s TV show detective Columbo, you know it is about a detective who seems to be aloof, harmless, and confused. This was far from the case! Columbo asks a lot of questions to have people accidentally confess, and to solve the case, all while seeming to be a non-threatening force. Columbo reveals the true power of questions. He defuses heated situations, reaches conclusions, and leads others to see his point with his questioning.
Greg Koukl, in his book Tactics, talks about a way to influence through directed questioning called The Columbo Tactic. It defuses heated discussions and pushes others towards new viewpoints.
Questions do not come off as argumentative while statements can. Questions, in general, are friendly and non-obtrusive. Some disagreements can get heated quickly, with no conclusion and become a major waste of time and will ultimately alienate the other person. Asking questions not only helps you gain a clearer insight into someone else’s views, but it also helps you find common ground. Using this tactic I find myself surprised by how much I can agree on a topic with someone who has a differing view. So next time you find yourself in a disagreement with someone start your conversation with a single phrase: “Do you mind if I ask you a question?”
There are three types of questions within the Columbo tactic that we will be using to convince others, which are as follows:
- Clarification/Information Gathering Questions
- Reason Discovering Questions
- Information-Sharing Questions
Clarification/Information Gathering Questions
“What Do You Mean by That?”
This question is used to clarify terms and to gain information about the other person’s viewpoint. This question does not have to look exactly as follows. It can take many different forms, such as: “What do you mean by x?” and “Could you clarify x for me?” The main purpose is to make sure you are on the same page. Most arguments boil down to the differing definitions of words. Finding a common definition to use within the conversation is one of the easiest ways to make it productive. Sometimes people don’t even know what they mean by what they are saying, which everyone is liable for doing. Asking clarifying questions forces people to think about the claims they are making and can catch people off guard. Do not be surprised if you are met with silence and confusion if you ask this question, all you have to do is be patient and understanding.
Another way you can help clarify the discussion is by asking if you can repeat what they said back to them and see if you understand it correctly. Remember that if the other person feels attacked by the question, all you have to do is say you were asking for clarification on their view and can correct you if you are misunderstanding.
Asking these questions takes the pressure off of you and puts it onto the other person, without being abrasive or rude. The biggest thing Columbo does when solving crimes is to gather information about the situation. It is the same way when discussing a disagreement, and the best way to do that is through questions.
Reason Discovering Questions
“How Did You Come to that Conclusion?”
This question is all about switching the burden of proof off of you, and onto your conversational partner. This question can also look like: “why do you say that?” and “how do you know that to be true?” Without having a reason for what you believe, all you have is a story. Stories do not inherently prove a point; reasoning does. Many times people just provide a counter-example instead of a counter-argument. The saying, “Whoever makes the claim, bears the burden” rings true with this question.
This question can lead to silence as well, however, the last thing you want is to make the person feel like you are pushing them into a corner or make them feel stupid. Patience and sympathy go a long way and helps make others more receptive to new ideas. Explore ideas with the other person as opposed to trying to “win an argument.”
Information-Sharing Questions
Questions can do more than just help you have a clearer understanding of someone else’s views, they can subtly push people towards a specific view. When asking these types of questions it is important to build upon the information gained in the first two types of questions. The information provides you with common ground to stand on. The beauty of asking questions is that you don’t put yourself in a position to push a viewpoint if there is no “ground to stand on.”
If you are equipped with enough information to start asking the third type of question, then they have to lead somewhere. Phrasing the information as a question forces the other person to think about the question posed and can lead them to an answer, and to a clearer viewpoint.
There are several ways to do this. One way is to point out holes in the discussion. Ask questions about inconsistencies or things that don’t add up. This will either lead them to backtrack or realize that there is a problem. A great example of this is if someone says, “All truth is subjective.” The best way to respond is by asking, “Is that objectively true?”
Another way to share information is by asking, “have you ever considered this point of view?” This allows you to share your view, without saying that they are wrong. This is useful because you can share information and keeps the conversation positive.
The important thing with leading someone to clarification with questions is using the answers that they give. If you follow their train of thought and ask them questions that challenge their thinking, then ultimately you are working together to come to an agreement, instead of arguing about who is right. Columbo came to his conclusions based on what the other person said and used it to his advantage. The difference between Columbo and trying to convince someone of your point is that you are on the same side. Both of you want to reach the truth. Do it together. All you have to do is ask one simple phrase:
“Do you mind if I ask you a question?”
